Quarter-life crisis - defined!

Its funny how i did a self-diagnosis a few hours back (see previous post) and then i come across this description on what the quarter-life crisis is. Take a look. If you are in your twenties, i can guarantee that u'll nod after every sentence:

"It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn’t know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.
You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren’t exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don’t recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren’t really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.
You look at your job and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.
Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn’t. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.
You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.
You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can’t meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you’re doing this because you know that you aren’t a bad person. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now you’d just like to be a contender!
What you may not realize is that every one reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. Share this with your twenty-something friends, maybe it will help someone feel like they aren’t alone in their state of confusion.
We call it the “Quarter-life Crisis.”

Symptoms: a head filled with questions about life. Diagnosis: Quarter-life crisis

did that oral exam. I hate public speaking. absolutely hate it. i despise it. can u tell im venting?

anyway, it went fine. but i still hate it. ok i'll stop and move on to things i dont hate as much.
dammit i cant remember the story i remembered about 18 hours back and decided it would go up on my blog. im feeling a little messed up. Acutally my mind's been wavering up and down over the past few months. Clinically, i'd say i'm presenting with signs and symptoms of quarter-life crisis...that struggle to reassure urself that nothing has changed and that u are the person u always were. subconciously though, im feeling a change. i find myself contantly thinking about the rough road ahead in my journey...whether id get a job, how i'd deal with crazy patients, how i'd talk to doctors about an error they made, how i'd end an argument with a potential partner, how i'd want my parents to have access to my bank account and be able to lead a worry free retired life, how i'd make sure my kids dont do drugs/wear tiny skirts, how i'd react to back answering from future generations (kids/grandkids), and the list goes on. those are genuine concerns i must say. i just cant get myself to be that young grad thats dreaming of love, wealth, power and just lots of happy moments. all of a sudden, do i come across as an overtly negative person? i havent really been termed by myself or anyone that knows me as being a pessimist. well, the fact that i have an extremely pessimistic friend that allows me to compare my negative attitude to hers and win all the time doesnt help now does it?

i need to fix myself a cuppa tea. oh ive cut down my coffee intake. i've gone from 4 cups/day to 0 or 1 at the most. cool or what?!

i'll prolly remember more interesting/inspiring/insightful stories at a later time. till then!

feels good to be back

Obviously, life got in the way of writing my blogs...hence the 4-month silence. Acutally, this blog would have been written about 3 weeks earlier but when i arrived at this site to log in, it said that my blog didnt exist! *wipes tears away*. so i figured that was the end of the whole blogging fad for me until i stumbled across a friend's blog. it felt just like mine. it was filled with meaningful nothings and that instantly inspired me to try logging in to my account one more time to see if it worked. lo and behold, im here! woo!

so the last couple of months have been very eventful. my brother's engagment, a trip to dubai and india, a weekend in kingston (Ontario) and a weekday in New York. I love travelling. i mean i hate the actual sitting in a plane bit but i love destinations! its the ideal way to take a break from one's monotonous routine.

classes have started, stress is creeping in. the only way i could tell was because i had like 15 different dreams last night and somehow, in each one of them, i was cramming (and i mean seriously cramming) for an exam. what a peaceful night eh.

got an insane oral exam coming up on monday. got to cram. tty tomorrow.

The answer? Gravity!

I have no idea why people are still okay with loving and then letting go rather than not loving at all. Despite having the intellect to bring about tremendous scientific achievements, why is it that man falls for this soul-intoxicating emotion called love when it's so painful once its over? Obviously, the cherishable memories that moments in love gives us is something that can be treasured for life. However, the pain of having let gone presides over all those warm memories and inevitably puts you in grief every time you recall the experience. Does the pain subside with time? Maybe. Does it fully disappear with time? No, it doesnt. It probably goes numb but that's as far as it goes. When they say 'Time heals', remember, a healed wound doesn't always return back to the way things were before the injury. It just seems better superficially but if you open it up and explore the wound far enough, you just might hit the same level of pain you once felt. Yet, consiously or subconsiously, man continues to fall in love. Newton defines gravity as being "the force that causes any two objects in the universe to be drawn to one another". I wonder if the so-called "apples" he based his theory on were actually just people....people that were madly in love.

Dear Year 4, Talk to you soon!

Ahh done exams. what a relief. Time to move on to bigger and better things.
The heavy rain last night didnt stop me from taking my walk...yea I must really be enjoying it to have that kind of motivation. However, the earthworms were having their annual reunion on the walkways and as it got darker, I was literally jumping from side to side to avoid accidentally squishing their water-clogged bodies. I remember one of my first year biology profs joking about how these earth worms come out of the soil in April to check out potential partners. I did notice a lot of worm couples as it got darker. As disgusted as i was, I must say their love lives were going better than mine.

So there's this silly thing that's been bothering me for the past day or so. Someone said to me how they absolutely hate fake accents and that Indians should continue to speak in an Indian accent even when living in North America. However, that person also added that it's important to dress like North Americans in order to fit in. I'm not sure I understand the logic here. What is the point dressing up to 'fit in' and then talking like a fob? Honestly, I think it's important to work on getting the accent right because I know native Americans that genuinely cannot understand the Indian accent. I mean, when in Rome, BE like the Romans; not just DRESS like them.
Am I being petty? hey but that's what this blog is about - the petty things in life lol.

Walking - My new found love

I've taken up a new activity since last week: A two hour walk after sunset along the walkways of our very quiet and peaceful residential area. The reason I decided to make this a mandatory event in the midst of my chaotic school routine was obviously for health reasons. But now i think more than anything else, a long walk by myself is the best mental exercise I could ever get. I mean, spending two hours walking with just my mind to keep me company is the most relaxing experience I've had lately. With no textbooks/a stack of lecture handouts/computer/phone readily accessible, one is almost forced to focus on the self. Keeping in touch with your mind and listening carefully to everything it has to say to you or has been struggling to deal with on its own is such an important but often neglected activity of life. Not to sound like someone with a below average self-esteem but with all the introspection, I think I'm actually starting to like myself..a little. The thing is, I've always thought there's nothing really that I've had to think about in life. It's all about school for me! That's all that has been there for the past two decades of my life and really, why would one want to spend time pondering on academics. So on the first day, I made sure I had enough songs on my iPod to last me exactly 120 minutes or otherwise I'd be 'bored to death'. However, as I started walking, without even trying, there were so many things that my mind was trying to tell me. hehe i know it's starting to sound like my mind works independantly of my body, which sometimes is something I almost believe is true.

So I think this new found love for long walks is something I am going to stick to for life - and now that I've written it somewhere, there's a slightly better chance of me living up to my word.

Impromptu introductory speech

So this is my first ever attempt at blogging - I'm sure that's a standard opening line for many here. I never thought I would take an active interest in writing. I despised english composition classes in high school. It was a nightmare for me to write a 200 word essay in 2 hours. Now when I think back, that was probably some of the easiest graded work I must've ever done. Getting into a professional program at university is really one of the best ways to realize how easy high school was. (Although at the time i remember equating grade 10 physics to one of the greatest challenges mankind has to face). I think that's enough about academics. That's not even why i started blogging. I guess a university student's mind is so pre-occupied with courses/midterms/exams/etc that somehow it's one of the first topics that we throw out for discussion.

So what does one blog about? I havent read too many blogs but I remember concluding that one can blog about absolutely anything. (?) I still need to confirm that.

My motivation to blog stems from the reason why I thought blogging was not for me. Let me explain. If someone asked me to talk about interesting happenings in my life, I'd probably just have to stare at them blankly. My life isn't one that has gone through exciting events/adventures. Did that mean I'd never have anything to say about myself, I wondered. I mean, that's just plain sad. Soon i was asking myself, 'Isn't the sum of many little things in life that shape us into who we are?' One probably pays little attention to the tiny details of daily living but each small detail helps etch us out into the personality that we are. And with that said, I introduce my blog to you: The Little Things in Life